30 days

30 Days Through Grief

This plan is for anyone living with a loss of any kind. It might be the death of someone you love, the loss of a pet, the end of a relationship, a move away from a home, a job that is gone, or a change in your health. Your loss does not need to look like anyone else's to count. We wrote these thirty prompts to give you a quiet place to put your thoughts down, one day at a time, in your own words.

The days move slowly. They begin with naming what you lost and noticing where you are, then turn to memories, then to the many feelings grief can bring, then to the people and comforts that hold you up, and finally to the ways you might carry love forward. This plan does not promise an end to grief, because grief does not follow a calendar. Try one prompt a day, for about ten minutes, with a pen and whatever paper you have. It is fine to skip a day, repeat a day, miss a few days and pick up again, or stop altogether if you need to. This plan is for reflection and is not medical advice, and if you are in crisis, please contact local emergency services or a crisis line.

The days

  1. Naming What You Lost

    Write down what you have lost, in plain words, as simply as you can. If it feels hard to name, begin with "I am missing" and see what follows.

    Putting your loss into words, even a few of them, is a real beginning.

  2. Where You Are Today

    How are you, honestly, today? Describe your energy, your mood and how your body feels right now, without judging any of it.

    You only need to tell the truth about today, nothing more.

  3. The Shape of Your Days

    What does an ordinary day look like for you since the loss? Write about one moment in the day that feels different from before.

    Noticing the small changes helps you see how much you are carrying.

  4. Small Comforts

    List a few small things that have brought you even a little ease lately, such as a warm drink, a certain chair, a walk or a song.

    Small comforts count, and you are allowed to lean on them.

  5. When You First Knew

    Write about the moment you first knew this loss was real. Include only as much as you want to share with the page.

    You can set your pen down at any point and come back when you are ready.

  6. What Others Do Not See

    What part of this loss do you think the people around you do not see? Write it here so that it is seen somewhere.

    Your page can hold what no one else has noticed yet.

  7. Your First Week

    Look back over the past seven days. What was hardest, and what, if anything, felt a little lighter than you expected?

    Getting through a week of writing about grief takes courage.

  8. A Memory You Treasure

    Choose one memory connected to what you lost that you are glad to have. Describe it with as many senses as you can: what you saw, heard, smelled and felt.

    This memory belongs to you, and writing it down helps you keep it close.

  9. Ordinary Moments You Miss

    Write about an everyday, unremarkable moment you miss. Why do you think this small thing stays with you?

    The plain, daily moments often hold the most love.

  10. Places and Objects

    Is there a place or an object that holds this loss for you? Describe it and what happens inside you when you see it or touch it.

    It makes sense that ordinary things can feel full of meaning now.

  11. What You Received

    What did you learn or receive from what you lost? Write about a habit, a phrase or a way of seeing the world that is still with you.

    Some of what you loved is still alive in the way you live.

  12. A Complicated Memory

    Not every memory is gentle. If there is one that feels tangled or painful, write about it, and notice what you wish had been different.

    There is room on this page for memories that are not simple.

  13. One More Thing to Say

    If you could say one more thing about what you lost, or to it, what would it be? Write it as a letter if that feels right.

    Words left unsaid can still find a place to land.

  14. Naming Your Feelings

    List every feeling you have had over the past few days, even the ones that seem to contradict each other.

    Every feeling on your list is allowed to be there.

  15. What Feels Unfair

    What feels unfair about this loss? Let yourself write the angry or frustrated thoughts without tidying them up.

    Anger is often one of the ways love shows up in grief.

  16. Guilt and Regret

    Is there anything you keep going back over, wishing you had done or said it differently? Write it down, then write what you would say to a friend carrying the same thought.

    You deserve the same gentleness you would offer someone you care about.

  17. When Grief Rises

    When does grief tend to rise for you: certain times of day, songs, dates or smells? Describe one recent wave and what helped you through it.

    Knowing your waves can help you meet them with a little more care.

  18. Unexpected Feelings

    Grief can bring feelings people do not expect, such as relief, numbness or even laughter. Have any of these surprised you, and how do you feel about them?

    There is no wrong way to feel while you grieve.

  19. Your Body in Grief

    How has your body been carrying this loss lately? Write about sleep, appetite, tiredness or tension, and one small, kind thing you could offer yourself today.

    Your body is grieving too, and it deserves patience.

  20. Who Has Shown Up

    Who has been there for you since the loss, even in a small way? Write about something one person said or did that helped.

    Remembering the people who showed up can remind you that you are not alone.

  21. What You Need

    What do you wish people knew about how to support you right now? Write it as plainly as you can, even if you never share it.

    Knowing what you need is worth writing down, whether or not you say it aloud.

  22. Asking for Help

    Is there one thing you could use help with this week? Write down who you might ask and what you might say to them.

    Letting someone help you is a way of letting them care for you.

  23. Being Kind to Yourself

    How do you speak to yourself on the hard days? Write a few sentences to yourself the way a patient, caring friend would.

    You can be a gentle companion to yourself, a little at a time.

  24. What Still Matters

    Since the loss, what still feels meaningful to you? Name a few people, places or activities that still matter, even quietly.

    What still matters to you can be a steady place to stand.

  25. Carrying Love Forward

    What part of what you lost would you like to keep alive in your own life? Describe one small way you might do that.

    The love you carry can keep shaping your days.

  26. A Way to Remember

    Is there a small way you would like to remember, such as lighting a candle, cooking a certain dish or visiting a place? Write about what it might look like.

    Remembering in your own way is something you can return to whenever you like.

  27. Hard Days Ahead

    Think about a date or season coming up that may be difficult. What might you want or need when that day arrives?

    Planning a little care for hard days is a kindness to your future self.

  28. Who You Are Now

    How has this loss changed you? Write about something in you that feels different, without deciding whether it is good or bad.

    You are allowed to still be finding out who you are now.

  29. Looking Back

    Read back through some of what you have written this month. What do you notice about where you started and where you are today?

    Every page you wrote is a record of how much you have been holding.

  30. Looking Ahead

    Grief does not keep to a schedule, and it may stay with you in some form. What would you like to take with you from these thirty days as you go on?

    You can come back to any of these pages whenever you need them.

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